‘The hours between 12am and 6am have a funny habit of making you feel like you're either on top of the world or under it’. Time, it determines if you are alone or have company, if it’s night or day. Whether you’ve already reached your peak or you’ve only just started crashing.
Drink too much and do as many drugs as you like, because it might, it just might leave a temporary softness on the brain, but the only thing that can, and will fill the hole left inside you by love, is time.
Time is a crucial partner in life, without it, we cannot evolve. How did man become who he is today without time? Life is a metaphor, the time on our watch is just another turning page. Every tick of the bigger hand closes another chapter in our lives.
Chapter one. Looking for escape. You may fill a hole you didn't even know you had with someone else. When you least expect it someone comes along and berries themselves in your life. Chapter two. Their hands on your skin, their voice to your soul, they become a drug to your heart. The deep pain and anguish becomes regular mourning. Your body screams out for help and you will never hear it. You will ignore the regret, the misery you feel and replace every ache with a smile. 80% of you hurts, really hurts. Only 20% feels satisfaction, bliss and comfort in your relationship, but it is somehow just enough to stretch over the bad.
Love is not abuse, love is not a war. Love is not walking on eggshells or feeling alone. Love was never created to hurt anyone. But it does.
So he says goodbye. He finishes playing his mind games with you. He’s done everything he can to make your life a living hell. He knew you'd stay, he knew you couldn’t leave or find the love to be with another. He left a scar, a scar big enough to cover your whole body. The fear of ever loving and trusting again. Lie after lie, he never really loved you, he only used you for his sick satisfaction.
Chapter 3. ‘Never forget me, as if the lung could forget the breath’. Months of abuse, months of torture but also months of sick and twisted love. A love you would never forget and would be insane if you could.
Chapter 4. But you wish you could forget it. You wish that when he came back you said no. You wish you listened and remembered what he put you through last time. But no, you thought things had changed. You thought you'd gotten better and he realised what he lost. But he came back, and it ended just the same way and so you realised, ‘no matter how right we are for each other, we’ll always be a little too wrong’.
Chapter 5. Maybe at the beginning all love was was a blockage for the hole. It filled your emptiness when you had not yet learned to live alone. You lost all sense of who you were and became someone else. You fell into his loving arms until it was time for him to let you go.
Chapter 6. You were so invested in him that you buried yourself. You dug your own grave and jumped in it without being pushed. You didn't belong to him, he had no right to make you feel like you did. But you always listened, you did exactly what he told you and you were so devoted that you couldn't see a life without him. He left, and you were even emptier then before he came.